can we become more than just ourselves? November 29, 2007

Today wasn’t too bad, a few parent observations which gave me minor heart attacks, but everything went alright. Tomorrow is going to suck, i have some intense observations i am not looking forward to, but then it’ll be saturday, and for once saturday seems like a breeze since observations are done, and then its the weekend!

New years in kyoto with lindzy, clinton and laura is booked and done and i cannot wait! so excited to spend a japanese style new years with some of my bests.

I want to talk more about japan itself and my life here. I live and work on Jazz street. the area around my school is constantly playing jazz music while you walk down the sidewalk, i love it. The street itself is known in okazaki as jazz street, what more could i ask for. I think im going to love winter here. This morning before i clocked in, i went around the corner to grab a hot coffee from a vending machine. I really liked the way it felt, being in the city, in my peacoat and a scarf and a suit, walking between tall city buildings. I felt like a grown-up… I think I have done more growing up in the past three months than I had in an entire year back home. ..

Speaking of which, did i talk about the vending machines here?? either way, i’m going to do it again. There are drink vending machines every five steps. They have both hot and cold drinks, usually coffee black or with milk and sugar or cream etc. and different blends, some lattes or cafe au lait, different kinds of teas, also both hot and cold, sports drinks, coke, juices etc. everything you could ever want. its amazing. food vending machines are few and far between, the most common food vending machines (at least in this area) seem to be ice-cream vending machines. actual food vending machines seem to generally be at rest stations with things like french fries and other deep fried foods. from a vending machine. i know. so weird. They are obsessed with convenience stores and they are like every two blocks and open 24 hours so you pretty much dont need food vending machines. and you can buy booze there. 24 hours a day.

anyways, I really love my manager at work. When i have breaks between classes we talk about food and wine and she tells me about the places she has been and I talk about the places i Want to go. We talk about paris and new york and shopping… We have this really great connection. I want to ask her to go for lunch with me one day, to that awesome restaurant Yui and I went to, fromage, because I know she would love it, but I’m not sure where she stands on hanging out with her staff, seeing as she is our boss. I just know we have so much to talk about and we get along so well, but i dont want to cross any lines… I bring her little presents sometimes, like i know she loves starbucks so i brought her little christmas starbucks cookies and i bought candy canes from an import store i found in nagoya, so i brought her one. I hope she doesnt think im kissing her ass, i just genuinely like her as a person and appreciate everything she does for me. i would really like to hang out with her outside of work. i dont know what i should do there.

Anyways, i realized last weekend i really miss male companionship. not in any sort of romantic way, just the fact that the majority of my friends back home are guys, and here, really, all i have is mike, and we all know how i feel about that situation and we pretty much dont associate outside of work anymore as to ensure my sanity is maintained. but i miss guy friends! Most western guys ive met in my area (all two of them) are lame, and the japanese dudes ive met have been too busy planning our marriage within 5 minutes of meeting me. I just want to meet some cool guys to hang out with. I love my girl friends to death, dont get me wrong, but we all know how different guys are. I guess i just need testosterone in my life! i work with 7 girls and one guy (who like i said, doesnt count). I really wanna meet some cool japanese guy friends (who can speak english). Because a) japanese guys are generally just sooooo cool. like, i cant even describe their fashion sense because it makes me excited inside. its like they know every single thing we wish boys would wear back home and then bring it to life. and b) japanese friends are generally much cooler than western friends (obviously minus my kanika and lindzy) but lindzy agrees, the majority of westerners you meet here = lame central.  so, operation make japanese guy friends needs to commence.

So anyways, tonight i plan on watching a little something called It’s a wonderful life, taking’er easy and then going to sleep. tomorrow is going to suuuuuck.

im the one who gets away November 27, 2007

i apologize for my lack of actual journal entries telling what i’ve been up to, but i’ve been fairly busy, and spending the time in my apartment mainly relaxing (and not wanting to write)

I miss writing prose. My fingertips are itching constantly and my mind is always clicking, creating clever lines but i can never find the time or energy to actually write them down.  Whenever i get the overwhelming urge to write its bad timing and i cant get to my computer or a notebook so i write something beautiful in my head and remind myself to remember it, but i never do. I need to stop that. This is the time when i should be writing.  I learn a million new things about myself and the world every single day here.

Why is it that bands keep putting out the perfect life soundtracks? When i moved here, tegan and sarah’s the con was the perfect accompanyment to my homesickness and trouble adjusting. Now, Jimmy Eat World’s Chase this light is absolutely perfect. Guaranteed if i wasnt here i would hate it, but i’m telling all my friends in japan, please, put this album on your ipod, go for a bike ride through your neighbourhood and tell me you dont feel  something. i promise you. its a damn good album. these bands keep getting in my head and writing the words i cant put to paper. at least they’re making it easier for me.

Last week was awesome. Parent observations really werent bad at all as most of my classes with small kids are mommy and me classes meaning the mom is always there, so they werent any different. the actual observations i had went fine. Wednesday night yui picked me up from work and we went to the mall for some starbucks then went out for a glass of wine at a cute little restaurant near her house. Thursday night was our party night, as i had friday off work. we went for a really nice expensive dinner at this little french/italian restaurant near my work where we drank a delicious chardonney and ate white pizza and pasta (japan is carbsville, even the non-japanese food, somehow, someway i am able to fit into ALL of my old clothes from when i was tiny last summer. shocking, i know, i love you japan) and then after dinner we had a cheese platter!! OH HOW I HAVE MISSED GOOD QUALITY CHEESE IN MY LIFE. it was heaven.  We then headed to an izakaya where some awesome japanese business dudes joined us and then paid for our bill. score. the next day i somehow pried myself out of my bed and headed to the mall to do some christmas shopping, not extremely successful. my weekend was spent relaxing, movie watching, visiting my little kanika in nagoya, more christmas shopping, got my flu shot yesterday, cleaned my apartment…

Oh, i got myself the cutest little christmas tree. its just past my waist and its all silver and pink and purple and stupidly girly and i love it. i wish i could hug it, its so adorable. I wanted to buy little white christmas lights for it yesterday but i couldnt read the boxes as to whether they were indoor or outdoor lights and i didnt want to risk setting any sort of fires in my life, so i skipped out on them.

I just finished reading White Oleander and it was one of the best things i have ever read in my life. i know its terribly obvious and cliche to be a girl, at my age, and love that book, and oprah recommends it and all that crap, but seeeeeriously, its amazing. like i have not read a stunning piece of literature like that in ages. i’ve read a ton of woman coming of age stories that try, and could only dream of coming close to what that book achieves. I wanted to highlight every other line  so that i could remember them. ..

now i’m starting “Charles Dickens- A Christmas Carol and Other Christmas Writings” because i’m a gigantic nerd and i’ve never read a christmas carol and i wanted a christmas book to read and this was the only thing i could find in the tiny english section at the bookstore in nagoya which is the only bookstore i have found thusfar with actually ANY english section, even though theres a bajillion thousand bookstores in japan. Take note: PLEASE SEND ME BOOKS.

on that note: here are my mailing addresses!

if you are sending me letters or postcards etc. please send to my apartment at:

#202 White Cloud III

Motonomi-Cho, Okazaki

Aichi 444-0063

JAPAN

and for packages (i like packages by the way), please send to my school:

Okazaki Amity

Barakan Takaba 1F

1-3 Honmachi-dori

Okazaki-shi, Aichi 444-0051

JAPAN

oh, and i bought christmas soap from lush and it makes me happy inside.

 i need to write in this more often because so much more happens every day, but then i leave it until i have a bunch of things to talk about and then i just graze over everything briefly. I miss all the details. i love the little details. i dont want to forget the little details.

say whatever you want, cause i can laugh it off November 25, 2007

music: jimmy eat world- let it happen

I told you how i have these amazing moments here, where i get goosebumps and it hits me, what i’m actually doing. I had the most incredible one today. it even tops my half-drunken heart explosion at asakusa in tokyo.

Today I was on my bike riding to the station to catch a train to go meet kanika in nagoya. it was a beautiful day, the sun was out, it wasnt too cool… and see, okazaki has this big river, and i live on one side of the river, and the  station is on the other side of the river, and there are a few bridges to cross this river. So i cross a bridge on my bike, its a really beautiful view, so i look over and smile, and all of a sudden this huge flock of beautiful birds, i dont even know what kind of birds they were, takes off, like over 50 of them, and they fly over the bridge and completely surround me and fly with me to the other side. It was amazing, completely surreal, i got a million goosebumps all over my body and my eyes teared up behind my sunglasses and my heart was in my throat. It was like a scene from a movie. It was the kind of moment that doesn’t happen in real life, only because of carefully planned cinematography. Im not exaggerating any of this. it was incredible.

See… I told you I could fly.

she fades out like a dance November 20, 2007

music: ryan adams- avalanche

Im feeling slightly melancholic this morning. nothing serious, and its not about being lonely or homesick or any of those things…. its about a boy. stupid, i know. i thought in coming to japan i was escaping all that, finding myself, removing myself from the petty boy/girl drama that i was constantly surrounded by back home. but it seems as though i’ve brought some ghosts along with me. and its a different sort of feeling. at home you were just sort of tossed in the middle of a bunch of different situations and left to scramble out or grasp a hold of whatever seemed fitting at the moment.

here… it feels more like a haunting.

wherever you go, wherever you land November 19, 2007

music: anybody wanna take me home- ryan adams

I always feel like a million dollars after hanging out with japanese friends, i wonder why that is. they are always just sooo excited to be with you and so excited that you want to associate with them, its adorable and flattering and it makes them even cuter than they already are. Ayami came and picked me up and we went to the restaurant where her boss at the salon met up with us because she really wanted to meet me and practise her english.  we had yaki niku and they both had their little english dictionaries that they had to look in every time they said a sentence, i didnt mind at all, they were soo sweet and adorable. We had such a good time. Ayami’s boss, nozomi was so excited to be my friend, she asked me if i would go out for lunch with her again and i obviously said yes! she is also going to come to my apartment next monday to cook me dinner! TACO YAKI AT THAT!!! (taco yaki is this deeeelicious japanese dish, of these little fried balls with octopus in them, and this delicious sauce and mayonaise, and mmmmmm, anyone in or who has been in japan knows taco yaki and all its deliciousness) so, that is totally awesome, and she has a friend who just returned to japan from australia and speaks very good english and she wants me to meet her, so we are all going to go out. YAY to new japanese friends!

Ive had this overwhelming sense of pride lately, like i am just so proud of myself for doing what im doing. im proud that i stuck it out through the rough patch at the beginning because it was so worth it for what im feeling now. like i feel like i can do anything, go anywhere. not many people could do this, and im doing it, im living it. This is an amazing thing im experiencing and it only keeps getting better and better. I was proud of myself when i got into university, i was proud of myself when i graduated university, i was proud of myself when i got this job and got on that plane, but nothing can ammount to how proud of myself i feel right now for living this, doing this.

Every so often i experience these moments where i get goosebumps and have to pinch myself to see if im really awake. yesterday i was riding my bike to the mall, and the leaves were falling around me like snowflakes and it was absolutely beautiful, i was listening to frou frou-let go on my ipod, and i felt like i could fly, and honestly, the way things are going, i bet you, any day now, i’ll be able to.

take a second, take a year. November 19, 2007

So Saturday went a lot better than expected. i was a massive stress case in the morning, i came to work an hour early to get ready for my class from hell and the crier, lukily my first class ( an 8 year old boy who i love and is so much fun) cancelled, which was lucky because it gave me more time to build up, not only my confidence and stamina, but the best damn lessons ever planned in the history of lesson planning.

The first class was the children of the damned. Their parents were, like i said earlier, in the room watching, so that just added on to the stress of these kids being the weirdest group of 4 year olds ever grouped together to learn anything, let alone a foreign language. anyways, they were completely quiet and shy in front of their parents which was a godsend. i mean, usually they are being completely shy because they a) are being stubborn and like to try to make me angry by smiling and pressing their lips together and refusing to say the vocabulary, or b) yelling out, who the hell knows what in japanese and throwing my vocab cards all over the room. this time they were just blushing and smiling and not saying anything… it was almost… dare i say…. cute. they said as much as they could when they got up enough guts to speak in front of their parents, they partook in the activities, and straight up tried their best, without embarassing themselves by singing any of the millions of songs we are supposed to sing, leaving me clapping and singing alone in front of a room full of staring 4 year olds and their parents…. regardless, it was painless, and kind of funny, and i think the parents saw the humour in it, so, checkmark, done, one pain-in-the-ass done for the day with little to no real damage (other than to my dignity).

Next was the crier. She came in hugging her moms legs and pouting already. as soon as she walked in the door, so i knew i was about to embark upon the best 45 minutes of my life. lukily my manager came and joined the class, the little girl knows my manager so she felt comfortable leaving her mom (so that she could take her own baby class) and staying with me and my manager. So we begun the class and she was awesome! she took part in all the activities, said as much as she could (shes 2 years old) smiled, laughed, sang, gave me high fives and had fun! my manager left for the last 20 minutes of the class, and she was totally fine alone with me and we completed the lesson! it was great!

The rest of my day was completely smooth sailing, so really, I suppose saturdays arent so bad! I spent saturday night watching sex and the city and went to bed at like 11pm. Yesterday i woke up stupidly early, as i wrote in my previous entry, but i was able to get back to bed for a bit, woke up, got all cute and rode the half hour bike ride to the mall. Sat in starbucks for a bit, drinking a nonfat gingerbread latte and treated myself to the little christmas cake thing they had as a reward for a good week and read White Oleander. Walked around the mall for a bit scoping out winter coats as its cold as all hell and i massively need a winter coat stat, and then went back to starbucks for a venti coffee and some more reading. Afterwards i did a little bit of groceries, grabbed some movies and went back to my apartment to make dinner, watch sidewalks of new york and a couple of glasses of cheap california red. It was a good night.

In other news my eye twitch is reeeeaally starting to bother me. Yesterday it got so bad that it was actually affecting my sight. Im wondering if it has anything to do with caffeine. So today im going to try to not drink anything caffinated (i had a cup of warm soymilk with my toast for breakfast), and i slept pretty decently last night. its still twitching a bit right now, but not half as much as it was last night. It seems to get worse as the day goes on, probably as i get more and more tired, but its really irritating. if its still happening tomorrow im going to get my manager to take me to the doctors, because seriously, this has been going on for three weeks now, im over it. give me some eye drops or something.

Right now im just doing some laundry, going to start showering and getting ready soon, have to run to the bank and then pay my water bill. Then im going out for lunch with a new Japanese friend. She’s a hairdresser, and the teacher before me, Arden, introduced me to her before she left. We havent hung out yet, so this is our first time hanging out just the two of us. Her english really isnt very good, so im a little nervous for how this will go, seeing as she speaks very little english and i speak pretty much zero japanese, but she is very sweet and there is nothing wrong with new friends. and im going to ask her if she does hair extensions. haha.

This week is only a four day week, friday is a holiday, which is awesome. it would be more awesome if saturday was a holiday so we could have a long weekend instead of going to work for three days, having a day off, then going back for one day, which is completely ridiculous if you ask me, but whatever, no complaints. 4 days are better than 5.

Hopefully hanging out with Yui thursday night and she wants me to go to a birthday party with her next weekend which will probably be AWESOME. seriously, japanese friends in japan are sooo much cooler than non-japanese friends in japan (aside from the obvious: lindzy, kanika, justin etc.) Justin called me a couple days ago, it was awesome to talk to him. him and i are going to have a crazy osaka weekend in the new year. i cant believe we havent hung out once since weve been here. damn you japanese travel and being so expensive, and my weekends being sunday monday which is the most retarded thing everrrr.

debating going back to starbucks after lunch for more reading, or just hanging back at my apt…. hrm, will see how i feel after. ok thats enough for now.

miss/love you all. xoxoxo

!!! November 18, 2007

music: sade- by your side

here’s to working with snotty nosed kids all day every day which leaves you congested as all hell, unable to sleep at 4:20 am, writing really great and insightful blog entries that keep getting erased by your laptop which freezes every ten minutes. i bet this one will work. dammit.

im not trying again for tonight/this morning. i blame the internet gods. and snotty, germ infested children everywhere.

What else in this room…reminds me of you November 16, 2007

music: owen- the ghost of what should’ve been

I dont write in this nearly enough. ive just been so exhausted lately. after an intense weekend in tokyo, followed by the travel and party night at training in okayama followed by a saturday night out in nagoya with yui, my body has been on strike. My eye has been twitching from lack of sleep for two weeks now and im mainly trying to get rid of that so that it doesnt transform into some sort of freakish deformity. Ive been going to bed between 10 and 11 every night and trying to get at the very least 9 hours of sleep. Im starting to feel semi-normal again, although the eye twitch remains. its really cute. really. kanika, we no longer need to practise the across the room wink, my eye now does it without me even knowing.

This weekend will be spent reading, writing, movie watching and sleeping. i want to go to nagoya to see kanika for coffee on sunday, but i really need to save my money. im thinking i might have to settle for a tall non-fat gingerbread latte at the starbucks in the mall a bike ride away from me. I sat there for like two hours reading last weekend and it was the best thing in the world.

I always think of things to write in here, but once i find the time and effort to sit and write it i can never remember. Its ok, this weekend will bring some solid updates, i promise. I have to leave for work in ten minutes. fridays arent so bad. im there until 9 which kind of sucks, but the classes arent really too bad. I hate saturdays, which sucks because its the last day of the week so i basically spend the entire week dreading the last day. I have my two worst classes on saturday. up until last week, it was only one, but then I had to switch classes with my co-teacher because this one young girl just would NOT stop crying for him, so they figure she isnt good with male teachers, so now i have to try to teach the crier, and he gets my amazingly awesome and easy adult class, which was a nice relaxing class where i basically got to have conversations with the father of one of the other students at our school. he was so cool and awesome to talk to and i had to switch him for a little girl who CRIED THE ENTIRE CLASS and kept running out of the room to get her mom who was trying to take a class with her other baby in another room with another teacher. awesome. tomorrow is going to rule.

alright, i should probably leave for work now. but i will write more soon. also, everyone please leave your mailing addresses here, i can make it so they wont be published for all of the internet world to see, but this would be easiest for all you who keep up with my blog and would like to receive letters and postcards to just post it in response to this post.

ok thank you, love you all. miss you all. xoxoxo

just to tie you over November 12, 2007

if you miss seeing my sweet face, heres a pic from tokyo, on the subway. <3s

I wish i had a river November 12, 2007

….oh wait, i do, right behind my apartment.

anyways, it has been forever and i apologize. life has been constantly moving lately. Last weekend was Tokyo, it was incredible, a constant party. Kanika and i arrived at tokyo station around 12:30, missioned (i somehow was able to figure out the tokyo subway system, dont even ask me how) and i only got us lost once for 5 minutes. impressive. anyways, we met up with lacey and lindzy in Shinjuku at our hostel, dropped our stuff off and got shopping! we went to Shibuya which is the craziest place in the world. people say tokyo is busy, lots of people, but that is an understatement, you have no idea. The intersection in front of Shibuya station is INSANE. i loved it. when i die i want my ashes scattered across that intersection. I made a pretty accurate observation in stating that Shibuya is like The CNE when the tragically hip is playing. imagine that many people, but all the time every day. So we did a little shopping, then headed out to Harajuku, unfortunately there were no harajuku girls out and about, i think gwen stefani would be a little more than disappointed. We ate sushi train for dinner then headed back to the hostel to get all hot for our night out on the town. we all got ready and then headed out to meet up with paul, my myspace tokyo band friend. he took us to this suuuuper cool lounge called le baron. its a famous bar in paris and they just opened one in tokyo. very cool atmosphere. we met a few of pauls friends there then we headed to the warehouse to go see dex pistols dj. enter dance party. we killed the dance floor until 5am. know whats cooler than dancing to bloc party at absinthe? dancing to bloc party in tokyo.  We then missioned to an all night diner restaurant where we ordered two bottles of wine and ate bread. then we helped our little ol’kanika back to the hostel as she was leaving the next day, and lindzy, lacey and i continued our evening, going to a small cafe for beers and french fries and then to a dingy okinomiyaki (however you spell it) for warm sake. my first time having sake in japan, and may i say, quite enjoyable. much more so at 9am after a night of dancing.

        We then headed back to the hostel for a quick two or three hour cat nap, showered, makeuped, then headed back out on the town. first swinging by the convene for chu-his. thus began the best day i have ever had in my life. we went to the starbucks that overlooks the crazy intersection for our morning/afternoon coffees, of course after grabbing a giant bottle of baileys of which to add to said coffees. you can drink anywhere at anytime in japan. might i add. we then spent the day doing cheesy touristy things like hitting up asakusa, which is this reeeaaally cool little strip of small shops and temples and such. There was a moment when my heart exploded in asakusa. i dont know if it was hanging out with lindzy, or the delicious blueberry chu-hi, but i had this sudden wave of happiness, and i was soooo excited and happy to be doing what i am doing. i was so thankful and excited to be where i was at that moment, and where i am for this year. it was an amzing feeling. we then went out for a deeeelicious dinner and then met up with lacey’s soccer player tokyo friend who took us out to roppongi again for a long night of dancing. we had a great time again, and we woke up in our hostel bunks bright and early so that we could check out without being charged extra. then we headed up to the lounge to get a couple more hours of sleep on the couches there. we spent the rest of the day doing more missioning around, sight seeing and shopping, then met up with lacey’s “fairy godmother” who took us out for a deeeeeelicious buffet. seriously, best buffet i have ever had in my life. i then parted from me ladies and took the long over night bus back to okazaki. they make these buses extremely confortable and amazing, but for some reason i just could not sleep at ALL. as a result i was completely dead for work the next day, but managed making it through.

we had follow up training in okayama on wednesday, which was awesome because i got to see lindzy and kanika again, plus all the people from our initial training as well as a few new people. it was a ton of fun and we had more laughs than we knew what to do with.

and i could write more, and i will, but i just made some delicious soup and i want to watch one of the movies i rented, so i will continue at another time. love and miss you all to bits and pieces. PLEASE leave your mailing addresses so i can send postcards and letters and goodies. thank yoU! xoxo