music: Ryan Adams- blue sky blue I tell you, emotions are so all over the place here. its like being bi polar or something. I woke up this morning and cried in the shower. One moment I love life, the next im severely depressed. I want to go home. I want my bed, I miss my family. I went to the big mall in okazaki which is extremely awesome including a starbucks and other western people besides myself. I went on both Sunday and Monday. spent lots of money both days. Sunday night, came home, drank wine, watched marilyn Monroe movies and seriously loved life so much. got a call from home yesterday morning, was the family celebrating thanksgiving. it was so sweet, but so sad at the same time. I made myself thanksgiving dinner and totally overate all day yesterday to try to fend off my creeping depression, didn’t work. instead felt completely sick to my stomach. Tried going to bed at 10:30pm and laid awake until way past 3am in new sheets which looked cute but felt like a sleeping bag. great, spent 40 dollars on sheets I cant even sleep in. and now cannot return, nor would I know how to go about even saying “id like to return these”in Japanese. thus, waste of money. well, learned my lesson on buying cheapest sheets could find. cheap= shit. Now will waste stupid amounts of money on sheets that feel amazing. whatever, will be worth it for a good night’s sleep which I am definitely lacking.still feel sick to my stomach this morning. today and tomorrow are working days which means no group lessons, only private, which means lots of free time for me to wallow in my self pity. I don’t know why I feel like this right now, but I hate it so much. I still don’t know why I thought it would be a good idea to be here instead of at home where I had a happy life, a great family, great jobs…. I wish it was December already… and I just got a phonecall saying I have a class at 11. one I didn’t know about. and I feel like throwing up and hate my life. great. I wish I could sleep one goddamn night of my life.
