i apologize for the format of my prior entries, i copied and pasted them from word and was too lazy to edit to make them more readable. but at least they are there and you can follow my life. i had a killer week, im super happy now and I HAVE THE INTERNET. will update you on my life soon, but just wanted to write and say im online now, and IM GOING TO TOKYO THIS WEEKEND FOR THREE DAYS. life is good. xoxoxox
October 23 2007 October 23, 2007
music: Ryan Adams- please do not let me go
Wow, two more days and I will have been in japan for two months. it simultaneously feels like its gone by so fast, the weeks fly, and like ive already been here for years and years. my life back in stoney creek feels like lifetimes ago. It’s a very strange feeling. I feel a little nostalgic this morning, not so much sad or depressed, just homesick perhaps.
This weekend was…. interesting. On Saturday mike and I went out for dinner, although I planned on skipping out on it, by the end of the day I really just wanted to go out to eat. so we went to a cheap restaurant then went to the foreigner bar to see if we could make friends. ended up talking to this guy who has been in japan for 16 years. he was very interesting. he told me his life story, which sounded like a movie, and im not sure whether I believe everything he said or not, but either way, he was entertaining. him and mike left and I stuck around for a little. this guy next to me started talking to me, he was Japanese but had lived in LA for two years. This guy, was, well, he looks like he belongs in the fast and the furious or something. brush cut, really buff, like totally UFC kickboxing champion sort of look. not my type. at all. not in the very least. but he was friendly, spoke good English, so we talked for a bit, I thought, hey a cool friend. down. he asked me for lunch the following day, Sunday, I agreed, thinking lunch, friendly, cool. gave him my number and he said hed pick me up in front of CIBICO at noon the next day. we met up and had lunch, it was nice, but he was already making all these plans to take me to Hokaido for weekend getaways, and wine tasting the next night, I smiled and agreed, while at the same time thinking “….uh oh” after lunch I was going to meet kanika in Nagoya, he said he would drive me, I agreed as he insisted. so he drove me there then told me to call him that night when I got back and we would hang out. I got out of the car and met kanika and told her about my situation. She laughed at me and just said to hang out with him but keep making it clear that we are FRIENDS. that night after kanika left, I went to see a movie in Nagoya by myself ( I love doing that) anyways, he called three times while I was in the movie (ringer off), had I not told him I would call him? by the time I got home, he had called me 5 times. decided that was a bit much and did not call him back. The next day I woke up early and met up with kanika and her manager in Nagoya, we went to go see hairspray, so cute. anyways. he called me four times yesterday, again didn’t answer. Whereas I was cool with being friends before, now its just kind of creepy. Kanika says I should answer and at least let him know that im safe (he may just be worried) and that im just super busy and tell him I will call him around the end of the week, but alas, I hate confrontation and would just rather ignore the calls until he goes away. basically I can never go back to that foreigner bar again, but whatever. last thing I need is a big fast and the furious Japanese stalker. creeeeeepy.I was lonely before, thinking I could meet a boy here, but now I don’t think I even care. id much rather just hang out with kanika, shop, travel. ….and I keep thinking about a certain person, a boy, from my past. I think I might be in love with him.. oh god. I don’t want to go to work now either. my baby class stresses me out. this week better fly by.
October 19th 2007 October 19, 2007
music: Ryan Adams- The ShadowlandsI Just dumped a bottle of white wine down the sink. Mind you, it was a bottle of crappy cheap Japanese fruity white wine that a drunk Japanese guy bought me last weekend at family mart for my birthday, but still, that’s a big step for me. I still have my half bottle of French white table wine in the fridge leftover from last weekend, so that I may allow myself one glass this weekend, but that’s it. The weeks are absolutely flying by. I cant believe tomorrow is already Saturday! what a great feeling. The plans for this weekend are now: Sunday, clean, relax, read. Monday, meet kanika in Nagoya for a matinee then explore Nagoya, for FREE, as I just found an English brochure guide to Nagoya in my apartment and we can hit up the spots on there that don’t involve paying, as we are both in need of money savage until payday. Im even going to skip out on my usual Saturday night dinner with mike to save money. So I realize in all these entries I hardly talk about japan itself. Lets see, everyone looks amazing all the time, I basically feel like a slob constantly, although the constant reminders from the Japanese how “kawaii (sp?)”- “cute” I am, which is nice. But where I thought I had pretty good style back home, the people here are dressed to the 9s in outfit concoctions I could never even dream of throwing together, and they pull it off effortlessly. Every single boy dresses like my dream guy. I get stared at like im a complete alien, constantly. Sometimes the attention is nice, at other times I’d just like to point out how rude it is to stare and perhaps they should be looking at the road/pole their about to ride their bike into and/or children who are trying to put some sort of sharp object or anything equally dangerous into their mouths. I really truly know what it feels like to be a minority. Every restaurant looks like what all the hip hangouts in Toronto are trying to look like. Even the small, dingy or quaint pubs have so much character that no western establishment could ever even come close to. Everyone, despite their gawking stares, is so extremely polite and friendly. If they know any English at all, they want to speak to you. They also will speak English to you even if you begin a conversation with them in Japanese (not that I can speak any Japanese, at all really, I may have learned 5 new words since I’ve been here). I.e. “kohi, coure sai, hotto” meaning, coffee please, hot, to which they respond “hot coffee? what size?”. Basically, you look like a giant idiot, but its pretty hilarious. I love LOVE the business men riding around on their bikes in the best fitting pin striped, assumably Armani suits. Just a side note, it makes me happy. Everyone is SO law abiding. The Japanese DO NOT jay-walk. If there is a don’t walk sign, on a completely empty residential street with no cars for miles, they will wait for 8 whole minutes, if that’s what it takes, for the green little walking man to light up. The pachinko buildings are the most elaborately lit up, giant, huge, loud, insane buildings you will ever see, where hoards of people sit, zombie-like fitting buckets and buckets of tiny silver balls into these screaming colourful machines. I still have no idea what pachinko is, or how they work, or why it is so popular and why the buildings are sooo intense, but im scared to learn because it looks like a crazy addiction that many of the Japanese share. Ok, I’m totally craving watching a movie, so this is all I will write for the night (I love Fridays because I have super easy classes, but I hate it at the same time because I work until 9 and then I am exhausted and now all I wanna do is curl up in bed and watch something brainless and romantic so I can sigh and think about the boy I like). and so, until tomorrow. P.s. INTERNET IN 10 DAYS!
October 19th 2007 October 19, 2007
music: Ryan Adams- Political Scientist Well, quite the birthday weekend I had. On my actual birthday I woke up feeling depressed and lonely as all hell (what else is new) struggled through the day, the staff sang me happy birthday and we had these white bean cake things that were light and fluffy and delicious. All I wanted to do was go home and lay in bed and watch movies. So I went home and rode my bike to Apita, the department store to buy movies. I bought Elizabethtown, Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind and love actually, THEN I found a sweet adorable stainless steel coffee maker for 2000 yen (which Is like 20 bucks) so I obviously grabbed that as well. happy birthday to me. the following Saturday a bunch of us went out for dinner after work for my birthday. Arden, the teacher I replaced came down for a couple drinks with us and she took us to the foreigner bar near the station, its actually owned by a western guy and it serves all western food like pizza and nachos and chicken wings. there were so many western people there. ended up drinking way too much wine, the rest of our group left fairly early and I made new friends with a group of JET teachers, one being from Toronto. We all came back to my apartment (my first party!) . Also woke up with the worst hangover in the history of life, THEN trekked to the family mart where I bought them out of sweet delicious pastries and such and continued to eat ALL of them. THEN, met kanika at the zoo, feeling absolutely sick, ready to pass out. then suddenly feeling better, ready to take on the zoo, with kanika getting all animal rights activist on my ass, and so we rushed through the zoo, although they had penguins, which made me extremely happy. We then went to sakae, to shop, walked around for a bit, cool street fair going on, then kanika started feeling sick so she went home and I decided to spend the rest of the day on my lonesome exploring Nagoya. I shopped a bit (totally bought hair extensions) and then decided to take myself out for a fancy dinner at one of the cool restaurants in Nagoya station. Went to this cool Italian restaurant (because I could actually read the menu) had a glass of wine and salad and risotto with chicken and asparagus, then I went to see a movie by myself! it was great, envigorating really. Hell I’m a better date than any guy. The next day I went to the mall in okazaki, did some more shopping, as usual, then went and met kanika in Nagoya. Met some business men from Toronto in the starbucks while I waited for her, very nice guys. Then had coffee with Kanika (I bought us friendship bracelets from this cool store in AEON mall because im cute) then we split up because I wanted to shop more and take myself out for a classy dinner again. I went to this awesome restaurant in the station called The Kitchen, which has apparently won awards for its thin crust pizza. Ordered a glass of white wine and a pizza with tomato, oregano and young of sardine. The hostess could speak English so she came over to talk to me a bit about what I was doing in japan. she was very sweet and very eager to talk to me. My waitor was the cutest thing in the world and he could speak a bit of English and he kept coming over to talk to me and ask my name and how long I would be in japan. The table next to me was a bunch of western business people who soon struck up a conversation with me after I finished my meal and then invited me to join them. They were a very interesting group of people, one of the men who paid particular attention to me, I later learned was the president of the company, through his business card when he left, also owns a vineyard in California. One of the men was from Italy and gave me the card of his friend who owns an Italian restaurant in Tokyo, he said to go there and say Roberto sent me and that dinner is on him. done. Another man, originally from California, was now living in Japan as his wife is from Japan. She was a very cool lady, speaking fluent Japanese, English AND Italian. Turns out they actually live like 15 minutes from me, know okazaki well, and they gave me their card and said to come over for a bbq one day. This is why I need to a) get out more and b) not complain about going out by myself. When you go out by yourself people are just jumping to talk to you. For one thing, I really enjoy my company, and for another, Ive met the most interesting people when ive gone out alone. I have also made the decision to stop drinking heavily while I’m here. Ive found myself already making the dumb decisions I regret afterwards, as I did back home when drinking too much, then gorging on food and feeling like crap afterwards. Plus hangovers in japan are like 28329 times worse than hangovers back home, I don’t know what it is. so yes, a glass of wine with dinner, or casually here and there, no problem. but no more binging. My body doesn’t deserve that anymore. The extent of my plans this weekend is to go to a movie Sunday morning (also the extent of my money spending) and then spend the day exploring Nagoya, meaning exploring the FREE sights. oh, also picked up, last weekend. Ryan Adams- love is hell, special Japanese edition double disc. probably the best thing ive ever owned in my life. it has not left my cd player, nor do I intend for it to ever leave. Now reading: Hitching Rides with Buddha- Will Fergusonand so far loving it. ok, time for another cup of coffee and need to work on my essential Ryan Adams cd for kanika, and then work time. Its almost the weekend! weeks, just fly by here. I love it.
Thursday october 10 October 10, 2007
music: The Velvet Underground- Pale Blue eyes In half an hour I will be 22 years old. I don’t know how I feel about that. Im proud of myself for where I am and having the guts to do what I’m doing, but at the same time I’m wondering what it was I was trying to prove, to myself, to everyone else. what is it I was looking to find? What did I hope to get out of this? experience? sure, my mind is just kind of muddy right now. Im thinking so much but absolutely nothing at the same time. Im in a better place than I was yesterday. I felt sick to my stomach, was running on no sleep and just woke up massively depressed. I got medicine, struggled through the day, cried in my classroom a bit here and there, came home, ate soup, fell asleep around 10:30 watching Briget Jones’ Diary, and woke up in a much better mood. I had my first real solid sleep. it felt good. of course today I feel like im coming down with a cold, which only got worse as the day progressed, but besides that, my spirits were better. Kanika and I met up for starbucks in Nagoya after work. its quite the mission and we were exhausted but it was worth it for a little mid-week girl time.
tomorrow is going to be kind of sad. I don’t have anything particular planned for myself for the day at all. wake up, go to work, im sure they will have a cake or something blah blah. then home, make myself something small and easy for dinner, then bed? im thinking about perhaps biking to Apita to get myself a movie to watch, or maybe new sheets that don’t absolutely suck ass. I received a package sent by my parents, but I haven’t opened it yet. I think my birthday would be too sad with nothing to open at all.
hat week im home. yes, that would be nice. he’s sweet, a little crazy but completely sweet. I have no ill experience with him. I found myself making eyes at the only other western man on the train home from Nagoya, a slightly overweight, tired looking man in his late 20s, early 30s. desperation. or perhaps im looking for my bill murray. I need to get out more and meet people I think. this weekend should be good for that. Kanika and I have changed out Sunday plans to going to the zoo, followed by the mall and dinner and then going to see a movie. I want to buy hair extensions. and just generally spend a shit load of money on myself really. Will shop for myself again tomorrow to make self feel better for sad lonely birthday day. 15 minutes until age 22. I wonder where I saw myself at 22 last year, five years ago, ten years ago. Never here I bet. Last October I was still thinking I was going to law school the following year. And here I am, in my own apartment in goddamn japan, listening to Ryan Adams (Velvet underground cd finished), drinking some weird cold medicine herbal tea, burning wild cherry incense, typing on a laptop, a full-time English teacher. Now I don’t even know if I want to go to law school when I get back. I’m really leaning towards a masters in English. I want lectures where we talk about books.
I really have nothing else to say, I just, for some reason want the moment I turn 22 years old, alone, in japan to be recorded. so I suppose I will just ramble on until it hits midnight. then I will go to bed and wake up, probably depressed. yes, I predict a shitty day tomorrow. Everyone at home is going to the powerhouse to celebrate my birthday. nobody has any idea how badly I wish I was there sipping on extra spicy ceasars.
five minutes until 22.its weird. I hate having a birthday late in the year like this. I think ive been saying im 22 since like june, just because if by then you are saying you are 21, then people think I was born in 86, which I wasn’t, I’m an 85’er, thus I am in my 22nd year and so I just say 22 as to avoid confusion. so then, when my actual birthday occurs, it seems like no big deal because ive been calling myself that age for months by that point. I sometimes find myself thinking im turning a year older than I really am once I hit my birthday…. I wish I was spending my birthday with my family. dinner with my parents and sarah and Tristan. if I had one birthday wish, that would be it. my alarm clock says its 11:58, my computer clock says its 11:56. what to do.….will use alarm clock as im ready to go to bed. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….and there we have it. 22 years old. Happy birthday to me.
October 9, 2007 October 9, 2007
music: Ryan Adams- blue sky blue I tell you, emotions are so all over the place here. its like being bi polar or something. I woke up this morning and cried in the shower. One moment I love life, the next im severely depressed. I want to go home. I want my bed, I miss my family. I went to the big mall in okazaki which is extremely awesome including a starbucks and other western people besides myself. I went on both Sunday and Monday. spent lots of money both days. Sunday night, came home, drank wine, watched marilyn Monroe movies and seriously loved life so much. got a call from home yesterday morning, was the family celebrating thanksgiving. it was so sweet, but so sad at the same time. I made myself thanksgiving dinner and totally overate all day yesterday to try to fend off my creeping depression, didn’t work. instead felt completely sick to my stomach. Tried going to bed at 10:30pm and laid awake until way past 3am in new sheets which looked cute but felt like a sleeping bag. great, spent 40 dollars on sheets I cant even sleep in. and now cannot return, nor would I know how to go about even saying “id like to return these”in Japanese. thus, waste of money. well, learned my lesson on buying cheapest sheets could find. cheap= shit. Now will waste stupid amounts of money on sheets that feel amazing. whatever, will be worth it for a good night’s sleep which I am definitely lacking.still feel sick to my stomach this morning. today and tomorrow are working days which means no group lessons, only private, which means lots of free time for me to wallow in my self pity. I don’t know why I feel like this right now, but I hate it so much. I still don’t know why I thought it would be a good idea to be here instead of at home where I had a happy life, a great family, great jobs…. I wish it was December already… and I just got a phonecall saying I have a class at 11. one I didn’t know about. and I feel like throwing up and hate my life. great. I wish I could sleep one goddamn night of my life.
Friday October 5th 2007 October 5, 2007
music: Matt pond PA- Closer This song makes me so sad but I love it. I miss my parents more than anything in the world. more than anyone. I would give absolutely anything to be able to sit on my patio and have one of my Friday nights with them, with a delicious dinner, a bottle of wine and our amazing talks. I have the most amazing parents and Im so so lucky to have them. I don’t know how I thought spending this much time this far away from them was a good idea. As much as I am happier now than I was weeks ago, I still think I made a big mistake in coming here. I’d be so much happier at home. really.
I wish I could be home for thanksgiving this year. Im going to celebrate it alone, with some chicken and stuffing ( I am going to make stuffing for the first time, and not even boxed stuff, in a microwave oven no less!). and I wish so badly I could be there for christmas. I just want it to be Christmas time already. I want to be listening to Christmas music and watching Christmas movies and shopping for my family.
I really miss school. I never thought I’d say that, but seriously, I miss classes and lectures and reading books I wouldn’t otherwise read. I really really want to go to graduate school soon after I get back. Im leaning a bit more towards doing my masters in English literature, because I love it so much. I just honestly don’t have enough faith in myself that I can go to law school. The LSATs scare the shit out of me…. I don’t know. I think I like the idea of law school in theory, but in reality Id much rather be reading books and writing about them. I really do want to go to Toronto and move there and get a cute apartment…but seriously, I don’t know if I could leave home again soon after coming back from here. Maybe its just because Im homesick. it is far too soon to make decisions about that now. Although I do plan on applying to graduate schools from here in the next year.
Meeting up with Yui tonight after work. super excited about that. I hope we become quick friends. I need that. Kanika and I are meeting up on Sunday at starbucks in Nagoya in the early afternoon. We both need girl talks. Havent seen her in two weeks. its like she said, we’re like each other’s family here and its like we haven’t seen our family in two weeks. My birthday is in less than a week. My parents said they sent a package and I cannot wait to get it. But if I receive it before my birthday, Im totally not opning it until my birthday. I cant not have anything to open on my actual birthday. That would be so depressing. Ive been slacking in the running, just been so tired after work, but ive been going on half hour bike rides after work, so at least Im doing something. I love my bike and how it feels riding my bike. Its really liberating. With my ipod on, listening to the shins, riding through japan at night. I seriously feel like Im in a shins music video or something. It’s a really different feeling. I can fit back into the shorts I bought before Tristan and sarah’s wedding that I couldn’t fit into before/when I first got here. so that’s cool. next stop: skinny jeans. I really love my students, like I said before. And they seem to love me too. One of my more troublesome students is a little girl named Saki. She’s probably about 5. She is a good sweet girl, but she is easily distracted and always wants to “play teacher” and takes my vocab cards from me, wanting to hold them and get ME to say them, I try to play along with her but the whole point is to get HER to say the vocab so that makes it kind of difficult. I tend to be able to swing her back into taking part in the lesson somehow. Either way, yesterday her mom told me that she absolutely adores me, and Thursday is known to her as “Alyssa day”. Another girl I have on Thursday is a little girl names Nanako. Shes so tiny and sweet and shy and quiet, and she speaks so quietly but she is SO smart. She’s only 7 years old, and most 7 years old are at the level 1 or 2 books but she’s at level 4. She drew me an adorable picture last week that I put up in my classroom. Yesterday I told her next Thursday is my birthday and she told me her’s is on Monday. After class she drew me the cutest card wishing me a happy birthday and saying she hopes I have fun at the zoo. so sweet. I have to bring her something on Thursday for her birthday. What a complete sweetheart. Fridays are my easiest day so im not too worried about today. hope to get next weeks planned for the majority. Ive been slacking in cleaning my apartment. I went through a week long cleaning kick, but now I feel like I have a billion other things I should/would rather be doing. not a good call though, clean apartment is totally priority number one. Will clean this weekend. like massive clean. clean floors, clean bathrooms, clean kitchen, everything. must do. Okay, want to hit up the net café before work again today ( don’t start until 12) so will start getting ready now. So far since ive been here I have read:Wally Lamb- she’s come undoneCandace Bushnell- Sex and the city (the book the show is based on)and currently halfway through Helen Fielding- Bridget Jones, The Edge of Reason ….holy chick lit. clearly lacking romance in my life. sigh.
October 1, 2007 October 1, 2007
7:20pmmusic: Owen- Declaration of IncompetenceHoly, what a day, and what a weekend, at that. Seriously. I have had the best weekend, and I haven’t even left Okazaki. Mike and I bought bikes yesterday. Mine’s metallic pink, totally oldschool, basket, headlight, Japanese style kickstand. Im so in love with it. We rode around for over an hour after buying them then went out for curry. rode around for a bit after that, then Mike went home and I rode around for another 45 minutes. Okazaki looks like a different world when you’re on a bike. I don’t know what it is, but its so liberating. it felt like the city was mine for the taking. I had goosebumps the entire time. then I came home, drank some wine (shitty Japanese red, remind me to never buy Japanese wine and stick to the imports) and watched Roman Holiday. Was so tired I couldn’t even finish it, so I just went to sleep. Woke up this morning, had breakfast and finished the movie, then missioned out on my bike. First I explored Apita, one of Okazaki’s malls. That’s where we bought our bikes yesterday. So I looked around there for a bit, pretty cool, bought another 5 dollar marilyn Monroe movie. then I just rode around. I went to Okazaki castle and gardens. beautiful. It feels so awesome to know I have a place like that right by me. tons of beautiful bridges and seating areas. just ridiculous scenery. so authentically Japanese. I took a bunch of pictures. it was a grey day, but like I said. I love those days for some reason. There was a bunch of people standing around this clock on the castle grounds, just looking at it. waiting for the minute hand to hit the hour (it was 3:00 to be exact) and then the clock opened up and this little man came out of the top of the clock (mechanical) and it played music and he danced with a little fan. it was soo strange, and everyone was there waiting to see it. Im glad I was there right at that minute. it was so interesting. I rode around some more closer to my house and work. Found lots of cool little stores. didn’t stop in anywhere. Then I decided to grab another bottle of wine to have with a movie tonight. I remembered this little Wine Cellar place right by the convenience store by my house so I stopped in there to see what it was like. I walk in and I’m in heaven, racks and racks and shelves and shelves of import wine. All of a sudden this adorable girl behind the desk says “where are you from?” she gets soooo happy, she had been in Halifax studying English for 8 months. So we get to talking, and she’s a) seriously, so cute, adorable hair, little bangs, nike dunks, incredible English and soooo happy to be talking to me. She tells me she lives above the store and that if I need any help with the wines, let her know my price range and she could recommend me good ones. We talk more and she says she’d love to be my friend, so I give her my number and she says she wants to be my first Japanese friend in Okazaki. Um a) holy fate, me walking in there, her being in Canada and b) SHE WORKS IN A FRIGGEN WINE STORE AND LIVES ABOVE IT. talk about a score. so she’s supposed to text message me her phone number so we can hang out and start being friends. I am so excited. this is exactly exactly what I needed. Okazaki isn’t looking so bad.
