departure August 24, 2007

music: The Strokes           
        I’m on the plane to Vancouver right now. it’s a terrible feeling knowing I still have a good 24 hours of flying left until I finally reach my new home. This morning was ridiculously difficult. I hardly slept last night. Leaving was so bittersweet. I’m so excited about the next year of my life but at the same time saying goodbye was terrible. I’ve learned a lot about friendships this past summer. I made a lot of great friends recently and became reacquainted with old ones and it’s so difficult to just put those on hold for a year. A lot of really special people just entered my life and it’s heartbreaking to just all of a sudden leave those behind in hopes that they’ll still be around when I get back.            
         Saying goodbye to my parents was probably the hardest. On the ride up we listened to the mix cd I had made my mom and we all just drove and cried in silence. I’m going to miss hugging them for a year and that hurts a whole lot. It never really hit me that I was leaving until last night. I sat in my room in the dark listening to Wilco, sending out last minute emails and packing my final items and I just had this intense ache in my gut. I was wondering whether or not I was making the right decision. All the reasons I had for leaving seemed like nothing and all I wanted to do was stay. I’m nervous as hell.I’m going to miss everyone so much. I know I’ll love Japan and I’ll love my job, but the thought of not seeing all the people I love for a year is extremely depressing.           
        Regardless, the flight so far is alright. I just stopped myself from buying a beer or glass of wine from the beverage cart and told myself to wait until I get on thenext plane in Vancouver. I chose a coffee instead. The stuff they’re playing on the television looks like crap so I’ll stick to reading and writing and listening to my ipod. I can’t wait to meet up with Lindzy and Kanika in Vancouver. I feel ridiculously alone right now.-alyssa